Alcohol Joke 1:
A man is sitting at a bar. The bartender makes him an offer: he will give him a sip of many different drinks and if the barfly can identify what it is and where its from he will get to drink it.
The barfly takes a sip of the first one.
“Vodka from Russia” the man is right and the bartender hands him a full cup.
He then takes a sip of the second one.
“Tequila from Mexico”.
He goes on to name many more and eventually the bartender gets pissed off and fills a cup with piss. The barfly takes a sip …
“That’s piss!” he screams.
“Yeah, but whose?” replies the bartender.
Alcohol Joke 2:
A guy walks into a bar looking real down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks the guy what is wrong.
“My wife told me if I ever come home drunk again, she was going to divorce me.”
The bartender tells the guy he has nothing to worry about, it was probably just a threat. The guy agrees with the bartender and proceeds to get drunk. After more shots of rum and tequila than he can count, the man is sitting with his face down at the bar and pukes all over his shirt.
After realizing what he had done, the man starts to panic.
“What am I going to do?! My wife is going to kick me out of the house and take everything I’ve got!”
The bartender calms him down and tells him to stick a $20 bill in his shirt pocket and tell his wife it was some other drunk who puked all over him and he gave him the twenty to cover for the shirt.
After a couple cups of coffee the guy drives home to find his wife packing her bags.
He starts to explain what happened to his shirt and he pulls out two $20 bills to show his wife.
Wondering why the man gave her husband $40 instead of the $20 as explained, the wife asks “What’s the other $20 bill for?”
The husband replies “He shit in my pants too.”
Alcohol Joke 3:
A man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a Bud. He says “Give me a beer before problems start!”
The bartender doesn’t understand but gives the man the beer. After 15 minutes the man orders a beer again saying “Give me a beer before problems start!”.
The bartender looks a little bit confused but pours the man a beer. This goes on the whole night and after the 15th beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man,
“What do you mean with before problems start, when are you going to pay for the beers you drunk?”
The man answers “You see right now the problems start!”
