im trapped!

i used to love my well planned life. ive everything well planned till 5 years ahead. ive stated my plan in my first entry for this blog. tp last2.. tah la.. somebody, a fren came into my life and tell me its not wrong.. i wont get hurt.. my life would be ok. nothings gonna change. and i took him into my life.. and i treated him so good. that noone would ever believe that i never loved him. i asked him to give me some time.. from time to time he asked me wether i love him or not.. i said im sorry, no.. it takes time.. but what i never realized is that.. i dah sayang dia! lama.. maybe i was just too afraid to admit it.. cos i dont want to get hurt.. but recently i kept telling him that i love him now. he said, he doesnt love me the way he used to nmore. bole ke mcm tuh? and im hurt.. badly hurt inside.. that i can't handle this pain. how am igonna live? gonna study.. work? for the upcoming months?? does he ever know what he has done to my heart? to my life? to my future? to my plan? does he ever think of that before? i told him many times.. he wouldnt listen. and now he keeps on avoiding me.. never return my call nmore.. rarely sms me.. yes even a dumb person would notice the changes. i wish i never knew him in the beginning..

something i found years back.. on love

When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance. When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance. Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also chance. The difference is what happens afterwards. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level? That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling. If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice. When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate all the same, that's choice. Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make. Regarding soul-mates, there's a beautiful movie quote about this that I believe is so true: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen." I do believe that soul-mates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soul-mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul-mates is still a choice we have to make. We become happy in love not by finding someone perfect to love... BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly...